Nolan Bonvouloir’s niece is a wonderful human being. Here are her translations of Bach Chorale Titles having studied German for one term:

 

Valet will ich dir geben
I will give a deer to the valet

 

Kommt, Seelen, dieser Tag
Come, seals, this day

Christus, der uns selig macht
Christ, make us a salad

Nun lob mein Seel den Herren
Don’t throw that herring to my seal

Christ lag in Todesbanden
Christ is late to every band rehearsal

Schmücke dich, o liebe Seele
My dear seal, you are such a schmuck

Here are the actual translations:

Valet will ich dir geben: I want to bid you farewell, (Lutheran hymn for the dying)

Kommt, Seelen, dieser Tag: Come, souls, this day

Christus, der uns selig macht: Christ, who makes us blessed

Nun lob mein Seel den Herren: Now praise, my soul, the Lord

Christ lag in Todesbanden: Christ lay in death’s bonds

Schmücke dich, o liebe Seele: Adorn thyself, oh dear soul

Not as fun, are they?

 

 

N.B. Thanks to McSweeneys.net for the original article, which you can find here. I’ve removed a couple as they weren’t complete titles of Bach Chorales, but had had a cheeky word or two removed!